Since the begining of this journey I carried on a strong belief, triggered by the impact Golden Buddha storry had on me. My belief was that there is a little Cristina burried inside of me. Even though I could not see or touch her, I was sure she is there. With the same strong believe you have about possessing a brain: you cannot see it or touch it but you know it exist inside of you, driving everything from the blood pumped to your heart until the thoughts crossing randomly your mind.
I knew she is locked there, in a cement cell of the world within but didn’t know how to get to her. How could I give her the keys so she opens the gate that link the world within with the world withouth ?
The truth is that I held in my hand a bunch of keys. So many keys, I couldn’t know anymore which one is the right one. So I decided to identify what the cement of the cell is made of and to learn how to dissolve it. Wall by wall.
In this way, she could not only open a dark cell but dissolve that cell bringing light and fresh air on the same spot where before was darkness and dust.
I was shocked to see that the cement was mainly made of Fear…fear of not reaching the expectations, fear of being judged, fear of not receiving enough love, fear of loosing control and so many other fears sometimes well disguised.
It wasn’t easy to make those walls disappear and I know that alone it wouldn’t have been possible at all. No one is an island, neither me.
I take this opportunity to thank MKE and each mastermind partner for all the help and support they provided me since September. Together we released that Cristinica so now she can make her own journey. Yes, it is a commencement, more clear, more happy and more harmonius.
Yes it totally worth this experience, yes (Dominica) I can also divide my life in two now: before and after MKE and yes I am looking forward for what is to come.
Hell yes, Cristinica is whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonius and happy!
And I make a promise to her: I will never again build walls arround you, nor close you in any inner cells! Pinky promise 😉
So less to cover until the end of this tremendous class!
So much of the cement unveiled and yet so much to explore. From now on, the exploration continues from the perspective of the winner. Yes she is here, fully taking space and I can totally feel it. This week I replaced all the affirmations with the one and the most valuable for me right now: ” The winner is here”. I could feel it with my cells and I could act upon it. I feel so much gratitude for this new shift in thinking.
During the last coffee, Mark made me realize I hold in my hand a golden key when he said “I do my P90ex not to reach my body goals but because that’s what healthy people do.” Ba-booommm, I must do things not because I want to acheive something but because that’s what winners do. Acting like a cat who looks in the mirror and see a lion not like a mouse catched up in the kitchen when the light is turned up.
This new perspective makes the things become effortlessly and push you in the spotlight. From there it may look like you are vulnerable but in fact you are powerful beyond measure. And the new habits are established so much easier.
Like our dear Ogy said, ‘Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts. ‘ – this is the first ever passage I highlighted from the first reading since I read the Scrolls. It had a huge impact on me.
I think, now I am ready more than ever to understand this concept. And I am happy it came at the end of the cours leaving me with a taste of victory and making from this whole experience the begining of a New Life.
One of the things I like the most in MKE is that we were able to unveil so many and different types of feelings which make up our whole being and this in such a little amount of time. Fantastic to learn that even the negative ones can be a great expanding tool and had their role in building the person we are right now. Only to be able to recognise them.
Those revealed feelings allowed me to get inside of me and discover a bit more of that golden person covered with cement. They helped me understand better the way I am builded and they made the polarity inside of me transparent : The conformist, resigned and comfortable Looser and the ambitious, passionate, always willing to try again Winner. Now it is up to me to laser focus on which one I want to let alive. Only one will be fed. I know each one what is capable off so I think the decision has been already made.
Speaking about feelings, I would like to share a lovely story I heard when I was a child. It touched me then and it still does.
The author left anonymous unfortunately.
《 A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, the virtues and vices wandered bored, not knowing what to do.
As Tedium yawned for the third time in a row, Ingenious came up with an idea: “Let’s play hide and seek!”
Cabal raised her eyebrow and Curiosity couldn’t help but ask: “Hide and seek? What’s that supposed to be?”
“It’s a game” replied Ingenious. “One of us will start counting. From 1 to 1000 000. In the meantime all the others will hide. When the one counting is done he’ll start looking for us and the last one to be discovered wins.”
All of them liked the idea immediately. Excitement and Euphoria started dancing with joy.
And Joy was cutting capors in such an enthusiastic way that even Doubt and Indifference wanted to take part. Only some of them couldn’t be convinced: Truth preferred not to hide at all, why so? In the end she’d be discovered anyway. Pride thought it was a dumb game (really he was just angry because it hadn’t been his idea) and Cowardice didn’t want to risk too much.
Then Madness shouted: “I want to count, I want to count!”
And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.
Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: “One, two, three…”
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Laziness was the quickest to find a hiding place, he just dropped down behind the nearest stone. Faith rose up to the sky and Envy hid in the shadow of Triumph who had managed to climb all the way up to the top of the tallest tree. Generosity had difficulty to find a place to hide in because each spot seemed to be the perfect hideout for one of her friends.
A crystal clear lake… a wonderful hiding-place for Beauty.
A dark cave… perfect to hide Fear.
On the back of a butterfly… the best spot for Lust.
A gentle breeze… brilliant for Freedom.
Egoism had found the right place from the start, airy and cosy… and just for himself.
Lie said that she would hide behind the rainbow, but hid at the bottom of the sea.
Passion and Desire were hiding in the centre of a volcano and Forgetfullness… well, I forgot where Forgetfullness hid, but that’s unimportant.
As Madness counted: “Nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine…”, Love still hadn’t found a place to hide. Every spot seemed to be already taken.
But then her eyes fell on a rose bush and she decided to hide between its branches.
“One million!” counted Madness and he started to search for the others.
First to be discovered was Laziness, just three paces away from the nearest stone.
Then one could hear Faith arguing with God about theology.
Passion and Desire could be heard vibrating inside the volcano.
At a lucky moment Madness found Envy lurking in the shadow of Triumph and thus discovered Triumph too. Lie was found hiding at the bottom of the sea, no wait she was behind the rainbow. Egoism turned up all by himself because his hidey-hole turned out to be a wasps’ nest.
All the running and seeking made Madness quite thirsty and when he approached the lake he found Beauty. Doubt had been easy enough to find too for he was sitting on a fence unable to decide on which side he should hide. Thus madness discovered one after the other. Talent lying in the lush grass; Fear cowering in a dark cave.
Only Love was nowhere to be seen. Madness looked everywhere. He sought in every nook and cranny. And just as he wanted to give up he saw the rose bush. He picked up a little branch and started stabbing wildly at the rose bush. He stabbed and stabbed until a heart-breaking cry made him stop. Love emerged from the bush covering her face with her hands.
Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love’s eyes. “What have I done! What have I done” Madness shouted. “I have left you blind!” and he started crying and he apologised and promised her to be her guide forever more.
And so it came about that from that day on, since the first game of hide and seek was played on this earth, Love was blind and was always accompanied by Madness. 》
Wohooooo, the roller coaster is up in the air again. Only that this time I am less fearful and more willing to enjoy the experience.
I know Fear is sitting next to me but this time I won’t let her taking the driving seat. You ugly travel companion, watch me if you dare !
The feeling of taking possession of the New Me is incredible. Sometimes, I meet that Cristina during the sits. Not in the thoughts but in the feelings. I perceive it like a sensation of omnipotence comming from my body. From the inside. Once you integrate a new sensation through your body, your mind will be able to reach it faster and faster. This is my aim now, to recall that feeling until it takes fully possession of me. I give permission to the New Me to manifest.
Looking back at the last 5 months of my life, they were probably the most reach in moments and blessings since I know myself. Sure, I was happy, well surrounded, and searching for my purpose in life before too. Only that I was taking those blessings more like a matter of luck, not knowing that you create your own luck. I was a fatalistic, whatever I like to admit or not.
After a little bit of the fairy-tale-world-within revealed to me, I understood I can be the painter of my life. I am learning now to mix better the colours, to use different brushes so I can make from each day of my life, a beautiful work of art.
Still working hard to improve my technical skills and to listen better my feelings so I can make those “paintings” the way I see them in my world within.
I am confident that day I will be able to make an “exhibition” with each of those “paintings” and that exchibition will inspire other people’s daily work of art. Art of living, art of giving, art of receiving. Art of loving.
This week a big and heavy piece of my cement armor felt down revealing a bit more of the winner leaving inside of me.
That piece has deployed while I was reading the stories in the “Tools for expanding”. You don’t understand the power of that mastermind until you don’t get in there and observe. I identified myself in so many of the posts after reading them in the quiet of my room, with no one to watch. Or to judge.
Still it was hard to recognize that to myself. Again, what do I pretend not to know?
How many times we find instantly an excuse when we receive a remark!? No matter if we say it out loud or not, our mind is defending itself because all these feelings associated to the fear are exactly the ones that we don’t want to hear. The dirt under the carpet. You pretend they are not there if you don’t “see” them. But just because they make you feel tight, does not mean that you can deny them. You can of course but that does mean that you are hiding the looser inside of you. And by hiding it, you just keep it alive.
Starting from now, I let that looser die in his comfort zone. And the first step I do in this direction is to watch the Fear straight in her eyes.
Who will win?
How many times I’ve been asking myself if I am supposed to be where I was ?!? How many times I didn’t dare to fully take my place ?!? Didn’t even realize before I am occupying just partially my place, not always sitting comfortable in the best spot or stretching like a cat in the morning.
No worries, I learn again how to open and stretch myself. And it feels great, fulfiling me with heart wishes.
The video of week 19 was another Surprise for me. Another “Aha” moment that you think is The One…until next week.
All of them remind me about the person I intend to become. I know already that person, I see her so often. She always take her place, value herself and knows to find something good in every person she encounter.